Me, I am not one for planning things. On the other hand, the “go with the flow” and “fly by the seat of your pants” lifestyle is stress city for me. In life I generally find myself settling somewhere in the middle. I generally know what I am doing tomorrow, but a year down the road is pushing it.
So, a year and a half ago when I started this journey with YWAM and midwifery I felt like GOLD because the next season of my life had a plan! I knew what I was doing and while it was quite foreign…I liked it! But then months have passed, a year is gone and now and I am in the final countdown (cue song) of this “plan” and the time came to figure out what was next.
While I do consider Fullerton to be my home, I didn’t have a job or place to go back to so I decided to go back to Colorado until I figured out my next step. This process caused a bit more anxiety then I care to try to articulate.
As God does, he took care of it all. I was in my routine of asking, “hey God, any chance you’d like to tell me what is next in my life…or should I just continue to wait it out?” And then I felt him say, “what do you like about what you’re doing, Erin?”
If I remember correctly, that day had been particularly NOT awesome. And I felt like saying, “Uh, NOTHING. This is hard, and I don’t wanna!” But then I put on my big girl pants and really thought about it. God didn’t send me here because, “uh NOTHING!” I really don’t think it is his style. So I tought, and this is what I came up with.
I like being with women. I like educating and teaching. I like to bring comfort and peace. I like praying and seeing God answer. I like being in awe of life and the development of it all. I like celebrating. I like serving. I like anticipating needs (and sometimes getting it right!). I like learning. I like trying new things. I like holding hands and rubbing backs. I like being involved in the story God is authoring. I like mom’s with drama and attitude. I like answering questions. I like reassuring and bringing confidence. I like wrapping babies like burritos. I like seeing little ones take their first breath and transition into life outside the womb. I like when mom’s meet their babies for the first time. I like documenting these stories with words and photos. I like singing for mothers. I like talking about their pregnancy. I like when praying for unborn babies and seeing them ALWAYS move in response to the Holy Spirit. I like a lot more things than I thought I did.
Grateful for the reminder, I asked God “what do I do with these things?” And he led me to something so special and intimate.
Being a Doula (or birth coach).
So that is what’s next. I am moving back to Grand Junction, Colorado. I am going to live with my brother (never thought I would say that…but I am really excited). I am going to get my Doula certification and offer my services as a photographer at the same time. I am also going to work part-time in the loveliest baby store downtown (which in itself if a Godsend and the most precious answer to prayer).
Ultimately, I am going to be with women. I am going to educate and teach them. I am going pray and celebrate and learn and serve! I am going to share stories, and life and use my gifts to be a blessing. Thank you for all who have been so faithful to pray with and for me in this season. I am so excited to continue in the field of mother and child health and look forward to see what God will do with it in the future.
This season of being trained as a midwife has certainly had its rough patches. I cried (a lot) and was ready to give up and let feelings of stress and inadequacy take over. But I did my best and stood as firm as I could, even when my feet felt like jello beneath me. I feel proud of what I’ve accomplished and take pride in what I am able to do next. This life is beautiful. It’s bittersweet knowing this season in this context is coming to a close. No matter how hard the struggle or the day, the truth is, these are the glory days. And there are more glory days ahead!